Reflection

After going back to working midnight shift, I find that as with most anything there is a positive and negative side. The positive side is I now have an hour at lunch to myself, I can enjoy the solace of the summer evening and meditate or spend the time in reflection or study since a new term has started. I find more often than not just enjoying the early morning quiet and breathing. Being thankful for all the blessings that are in my life.
The negative side is that my eating habits are haywire and my sleep patterns are completely out of wack. This leading back to causing my IBS to flare up. But this is ok as I know that with time this will straighten out.

There has been a falling out with my cousin over her care. I have found out that she doesn't want anyone to get too close or know what the doctors are saying. I believe this is so she can tell us (parents and myself and others) anything and we have no way to prove that she isn't as sick as she is letting on. I accidentally found this out. She had been saying for months that she has Lupus and after a few days in the hospital and speaking to the doctors I found out she doesn't have Lupus and this upset her. After finding this out she became very defensive and told me that she did not want to discuss her issues with me. I told her to take me off of her emergency contact list or as her support if I was not going to have the medical information I needed if something happened to her. I believe in my heart she needs help, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself or get better. I hope the best for her and do not want to see her get hurt, but I know I can't do anything except pray.

I have been reflecting on whether not being able to help her is a sign that I am in the wrong profession. I would really love to help people who are on the road to healing and believe that I have the knowledge to do this yet does having the knowledge make me competent enough?